March

“Don't need reason, don't need rhyme

Ain't nothing I'd rather do

Going down, party time

My friends are gonna be there too, yeah”

Truly the only things going down through this experience, are my personal ego, and even more bad draft beer than my body is accustomed to.  Every Sunday after playing, both my head and belly regret it.  What a sacrifice.

This month was the first time that I dragged some friends into the world of open mic.  What a different viewpoint you have when you walk the world in company.  The simple act of walking to the bar, felt like a pleasurable evening stroll as opposed to an inevitable march towards embarrassment.  Having friends in the audience is a double edge sward. On one hand, it creates an atmosphere of comfort and familiarity, and on the other increases the personal desire to entertain.  

One of the purposes of doing this is to encourage myself to learn, write and play new and challenging songs.  Entertaining others, is not necessarily a key reason for me to play in public.  I hope to become a better guitarist, and more aware of myself as a singer.I think both goals create a certain vulnerability and with friends present, it is easier to hide behind the old campfire standbys’.   Regardless, as I approached the mic I stuck to my guns and played the songs I had planned to perform.  

“Somebody Load me a Dime,” is a blues standby.  The way I chose to play it created a lot of open air and silence.  Silence can be a powerful exclamation, but it can also open up both vulnerabilities and a chasm for obvious errors.  

“Caravan,” Van Morrison:  I tried this because I thought it would help me my challenge my voice and again there are some opportunities to play between the openings between singing and the guitar. Speaking of dead noise, the joint was empty.  Performing to an empty house is certainly different than to a crowd of people that are more engaged in personal conversations than what you are doing.  

I had also hoped to throw in a couple of originals, but bailed as usual.

A key reason for both inviting people to join me and for sharing this experience is the power of creating a little peer pressure.    Having friends in the audience created a real sense of safety. Through this I was present more of my true self on stage than I was initially comfortable with.  Because I felt like I had a place on the stage, I felt a little more comfortable with my goofy core.

I recently read a Time article on how to motivate yourself.  The article highlighted three key strategies, first to approach things with optimism, second to develop clear goals and the last is to create some positive peer pressure.  I feel like I’m trying to do all three.  I specifically have been sharing the goal of a monthly performance with friends, and it’s pretty hard to back out when you shootin off about what you’re going to do.

I don’t know why, but the experience of involving acquaintances made my think of a lyric of a song that I wrote.

“I want to yell out to the world,

But they won’t here a song.”

At one point in time, I became fascinated with boxing Biographies and they all seem to share a common plot.  The pugilist rises because of a specific prowess that is ultimately manipulated by peers and a fragile support support system.  I think the song emphasizes the ultimate need for social acceptance and the consequences of unaligned expectations.  It asks questions about how you plug along when your hopes and social needs are not being answered.

I recorded the song, messing around with a slide.  I don’t really know how to play slide and I don’t have the patience to figure out alternative tunings to make it really work. Here it is:

While creating a certain amount of peer pressure can sustain the fire of a project, it is not the only log in the fire.  If my goal is to have other folks appreciate what I’m playing, I might as well stick to Brown Eyed Girl around the campfire.  I have to remind myself the ultimately my goals are to increase creativity in my life and to be more open to self discovery and growth and learning.